Chia Huang

Back in Taiwan, from France, in April 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I was immediately invited to work as a photographer at the Taitung Autistic Children's Family Care Association (TACFCA). There, I accompanied the children to create works. This was different from what I did in the past few years, because before, my only consideration was the creation of a good artistic product. This is the first time I no longer thought about how to use time to my best advantage, and how to make unique works. At TAFCA, I instead wanted to stand on the standpoint of others and think about how to give my collaborators more resources and more freedom. Some people think that doing good deeds, as these are perceived to be, should be separated from art, and that artistic creation is sufficient. But in fact, I am not focusing on doing good deeds. I am seeking means to let myself disappear, and in time and erase the boundary between myself and others. This goal is to rediscover who the so-called "we" are. And if art will grow, it will effortlessly sprout out of this expansive soil.

我到台東的自閉兒協會與孩子們一同進行了為期半年的共創活動，課程一週兩次，一次兩小時。通常每堂課的第一小時，在開始畫畫之前，我會邀請大家進行深度呼吸練習，利用呼吸進入裡面那個沒有他人的世界，在那狀態下才開始畫圖。共創活動的目的，是希望這群身心障礙的孩子們，能在繪畫中與生命本有的自由相遇，並發現不管自己已經失去了多少，細膩回應世界的能力永遠都還留在自己手裡。這件錄像作品，呈現了半年間，孩子們個人及集體的繪畫創作。四月因疫情回台灣，隨即受到邀請到台東自閉兒家庭關懷協會擔任攝影師，並陪伴小孩做創作。有別於過去幾年不管做什麼，都把怎麼做出好作品當作唯一考量。這次是我第一次不再考慮怎麼運用時間對我最有利、怎麽做出獨特精準的作品。只想站在別人的立場上，想著怎麽做別人會得到更多資源，更多自由。有些人認為做善事跟藝術應該分開，這樣的藝術創作才夠純粹。但其實我好像沒有在做善事，我只是想放手讓自己消失在時間裡，抹除你我的邊界。重新發現所謂的「我們」究竟是誰。而藝術如果將誕生，它將從我們的土裡自然長出來。

Before our drawing club started this morning, I spent one hour guiding everyone in breathing together. Through breathing, we entered into a world without others, and started to draw in that state. And then I played the music for them. What I played was “Boléro” of Maurice Ravel. I asked them to open their ears to hear the sounds, and imagine that their hands are the instruments. At the beginning, some people didn't dare to draw, so I asked them to guide my hand with their hand, as if we were traveling together. They held my hand, and I asked them to tell me by the hand's message, how they interpreted the music. Sending the messages through hand, it's just like telling me an insignificant but extremely deep secret. Actually, the day before our class, I had already made a plan for the class. But in the morning before the class, I went for a walk in the sacred aboriginal mountain: Mt. Dulan. This mountain sent me a new brand version for our class plan. In this drawing club, I wanted to let them sense that no matter how much we have already lost, the ability to respond delicately to world is always in our hands. We can never lose it, because we are the freedom itself.

今天的美術時間開始之前，我花了一個小時帶大家呼吸，利用呼吸進入裡面那個沒有他人的世界，在那狀態下才開始畫圖。接著請大家聽音樂，放的是Maurice Ravel的Boléro。我請他們張開耳朵聽聲音，並感覺到自己的手就是樂器。起初有些人放不開不敢畫，所以我請他們帶著我的手旅行，我把手握在他們的手上，請他們用手告訴我，究竟自己是怎麼解讀音樂的。用手傳遞訊息，就像在跟我講一個無足輕重，但又萬般深邃的秘密。其實上課的前一天，我已擬好課綱。但上課前的清晨，去都蘭山腳下散步，都蘭山給了我一套全新版本，於是便即時替換了全新的。在這堂繪畫課裡，我想要讓他們發現，不管自己已經失去了多少，細膩回應世界的能力永遠都還留在自己手裡，怎麼也丟失不了它，而我們也難以不是自由它本身。

I woke up 3 a.m., and drove to Taimali to take photos at around 5am. Then, I came back to Taitung’s downtown for the drawing club. At the beginning, I was exhausted to the level that I almost felt my heart hurting. But after doing collage with my collaborators for one hour, having absorbed their positive vibes, I started to feel extremely happy. But I didn’t know why. Then, it hit me. The drawing club is the moment for gods to decode themselves. For me, each person in the club is an unrecognized god. They deeply embrace this world in their own ways, which are not easy for us to understand.

三點起去太麻里晨間拍照五小時，九點回到台東市自閉兒協會上美術課。原本累到精神渙散，幾乎有點心悸，但跟他們一起做拼貼一個小時後，就因為吸收了他們的能量，快樂到要爆炸。問他們有沒有這種感覺，他們也覺得超快樂，但不知道為什麼。美術課其實是神仙解碼時間，他們一個個都是尚未被辨認出的神仙，用獨有且難以輕易被理解的方式，深愛這個世界。

I hope that these people with physical and mental disabilities can continue finding the freedom of life in the drawing time. Every time before the drawing workshop started, we closed our eyes together and took deep breathing until everyone calmed down and then we started. In this way, everyone can draw from the deepest place of their hearts. So it prevents them from over-thinking, and thinking that they are not talented, and feeling frustrated when drawing, which happened so often.

This time, because everyone in this drawing class couldn't quiet down, we canceled the breathing session. Instead, we laughed loudly together for an hour. The energy of their laughter was so powerful that even one person, who had never seemed to react sensitively to others, came from the first floor up to the third floor to join us.

We took a long time for laughing, until “shame” disappeared from our dictionary. We laughed until everyone felt that the whole world was totally ridiculous, and then we began to draw. This time, my collaborators took turns to be drawing models. For each person we spent 20 minutes drawing.

When we first started drawing, people were used to staring only at their paper, not the models, and only drawing what they've known in their minds. So, no matter how they drew on the paper, they felt it was ugly. But as soon as I heard them criticizing themselves, I told them that no one couldn't draw. The less we know how to draw, the better we can draw.

I asked them not to look at the paper when they were drawing, but to put their eyes, all the time, on the shape of the model’s body, because the body shape was constantly moving. The shape only appears once, so if we lose it, we will never see it again. So, we don't draw what we've imagined, but what we draw as we continually discover in the present moment.

I told them that we often thought that the human body had only one look, thinking that we have completely remembered what other people look like. But actually, we have never seen what, or who, was in front of us now. And we cannot predict what the body shape will look like in the next second, so drawing is actually super exciting.

When they worked on large areas such as hair or clothes, they tended to forget about the model, and just looked at the paper in order to finish the part in the shortest time. For this, I also asked them to keep putting their eyes on the model and observe carefully each hair: how the hair bent, how each hair talked, how the hairs interacted with each other. Because if we stopped observing, the spirit of the specific part of the model they drew would have no air to breathe, and finally die.

Then I told them that humans’ eyes are actually acting as decoders of their own, and by looking at others, we crack the secrets hidden in the lives of others. And what one sees, others can’t see. We spent some time without brushes. Near the end, I invited every person, as the master of analysis, to share with us why each model appeared to be so unique, and why each organ on the model tended to be so full of words, yet to be expressed.

我希望這群身心障礙的孩子們，能在繪畫中與生命本有的自由相遇。所以每次美術課之前，我們都會一起閉上眼深呼吸，直到所有人都靜下來才開始。如此，大家能夠越畫越貼近自己，不容易在繪畫時錯以為自己沒天份，而感到挫折。這次的繪畫課因為大家不太靜，所以這次取代呼吸的是大爆笑。我們一起笑了一小時，笑到一個極低功能、對外界毫反應的孩子從一樓被笑聲吸引上三樓，衝入教室加入我們。笑到丟臉的界線被完全打破，直到所有人都覺得整個世界荒謬至極，我們才開始進行模特兒臨摹。

教室中的孩子們輪流上台當模特兒給大家畫，每一場二十分鐘。剛開始畫圖時，大家很習慣只看自己的紙，不看模特兒，只畫自己想畫的。所以怎麼畫，都覺得很醜。但只要聽到別人批評自己，我就會告訴他們，沒有人是不會畫的。越不會畫，越會畫。我請他們不要一直看紙，要隨時把頭抬高，盯緊眼前人體的線條，因為那個線條不斷移動著，不盯緊它它就會跟你走散。我們不畫想像的，要畫當下看到的，而每個當下，都只出現一次。

我告訴他們，我們常常以為人的身體就只有一個樣子，以為我們已經完全記得別人長什麼樣子。但其實眼前的人，我們以前從未看過，而且也完全無法預期等一下他會長成什麼樣子，所以畫畫其實超級刺激。有些小孩，遇上頭髮或衣服這種大區塊時，會低下頭快速塗色。此時，我也請他們重新把頭抬高，仔細觀察每一根頭髮，怎麼彎曲、怎麼說話、怎麼彼此互動。因為如果我們不再觀察，整個區塊就會因為不能呼吸而窒息死掉。接著我告訴他們每個人的眼睛都是解碼器，透過看，我們破解別人生命隱藏的秘密。而且沒有任何人能看見你能看見的。我們花了一些時間放下筆來，請每一位分析大師來輪流為我們，一個器官一個器官解說，眼前的模特兒為何神奇、如何地充滿話語。